His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was  told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked,drying his legs and feet.

‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.

He whirled around and screamed, ’FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER  STOP?!’

This cat is FULL OF AWESOME!

There’s never been a better time to buy!

I had my children with me and was telling them that perhaps the cow behind would help pull this other cow out. If not then we may lend a hand.

“Dad, it looks like he’s trying to push the whole cow through the fence now” ummm

So there I was witnessing a cow being violated. How does one explain cow rape to children? I got flustered packed the kids in the car and drove off.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I
instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How
long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she
answered”Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.”

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

4. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.. “Once the
surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s
dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

Submitted by RN Anthony Links, Los Angeles, CA